Help for Parents

Parents contact us often with concern for their children. How do you talk with a child about something you cannot prove or most of the time even see?? In the last 10 years or so, we've seen an increase in people "coming out" about the paranormal. People are talking about personal experiences, there are a multitude of TV shows on the topic and the internet contains a plethora of information. Knowledge is important, but to a child, it can also intensify their fears. A child must learn to cope with their fears in order to live a healthy life.

I've heard many stories of how, as a child, a person had experiences but were afraid to tell their parents or anyone else for fear of ridicule. I, too, suppressed a story of my first experience for some 17 years.

I believe now more than ever, people are talking more freely, and I believe open communication about what is occurring in one's home is pivotal to a child and the entire family's well-being. Sometimes parents try to desensitize their children, letting them watch scary movies or the TV shows on ghosts. The main problem with this approach is that these movies and shows are "Hollywooded-Up;" they create false realities with children. The movies and shows are stories made for entertainment value only, and they are very inaccurate as far as real hauntings. (Also remember that when the children go to bed, and you're watching these shows, the kids can hear the screams, too. That can be scary to them and fuel their fears more.) If they do see a show, you may want to explain how the show does the scenes with camera tricks and the like.

Children need to feel safe in their own home. If they don't, then there is a problem and you simply MUST deal with it. Many times a 'haunting' can be explained away by scientific means, so knowing what is going on is half of the battle. Remember, fear stems from the unknown. Parents are seen by children as the protectors, and they trust their parents to help them. Stay in charge and don't let your children see you upset or broken by your experiences; this will just further frighten them. Sometimes a child's worst nightmare is their imagination.

The best way you can help your child is to empower them, let them know they aren't alone. Talk about fears and phobias. Do not tell them they are silly for being afraid. Let them know you were scared too when you were a child, and that fears do go away. It solidifies your relationship with your child when they know that you've felt the same way and you truly do understand how they feel.

If you call in someone to help, you may want to have your child stay at a friend's house. Typically, it would be best if you talked to your child about what was going on. Let them have limited contact with the investigators in your home. For one, it will distract the investigator from their job. Also, you know your child, how they react, what to say or not to say, etc. An investigator may unintentionally upset or scare your child.

Age Matters

Children's maturity levels are very important in dealing with this problem. We broke these down for you to make it easier.

Ages 3-4: These children are typically less afraid than older ones. They trust that their parents take care of all of their needs and will take care of this one, too. You should just have a talk with them and explain that someone else may be in the house, but it's ok. Usually that will suffice and they will go about their business, sometimes with a "playmate."

Ages 5-7: This age is usually full of questions, especially "Why?" You may need to talk to them a little longer but try to only answer their questions, don't try to explain the laws of physics because your child will only get confused and probably ask MORE questions. Keep it brief and simple. Let them know you're on top of it, and make sure they know it's ok to let you know if anything further happens. Stress to them that they are safe.

Ages 8-12: These ages are a bit more complicated. You will want to be direct and talk about the issue, reassure your child and let them know how you are working on a solution. Ask them if they have questions for you or for the investigation team, but again do not provide TOO much information that will just confuse and possibly scare them.

Ages 13-up: At this point you can talk to your child as you would an adult. You still need to reassure them that they are safe and you are still working on the problem. Let them ask all the questions they need to in order for them to feel better about the situation. Keep a clear, open communication line with all the members of your family.

Haunting Protocol?

All situations are unique; no haunting or alleged haunting is identical to another. So situations vary, solutions vary. If you are experiencing phenomenon that is extreme, where you or your family feels threatened or fears for your safety, listen to your gut feelings. Sometimes you have to temporarily remove yourself or your children from the situation. Other suggestions may be:

• Call a reputable paranormal team in your area (like APRA!). Verifying or debunking what is going on can do nothing but help you at this point.
• Stressful situations sometimes call for therapy, individual or family. Don't be ashamed. Call a psychologist if you need to. Your familily's well-being comes first.
• If you're religious or spiritual, seek counsel from your pastor or spiritual advisor. They can always pray for you and help comfort you and give you strength. Some may want to bless your home; that's between you and your clergy. A blessing can't hurt anything.
• Again, stress can make a person physically ill. You may need to see your medical doctor. Also, make sure no prescriptions you're taking have side effects that could cause hallucinations of any sort.

If you're frightened and you don't know what to do, don't let it affect you physically. You have to remain strong for your family. Get out of the house often: walk, jog, or take a class. Keep your head clear! Also make sure you are eating well and getting your sleep, even if you must stay with friends. If you are religious, attend regular services, it will make you feel better.

Helpful Hints

Always remember you're not alone!

Sometimes the simplest thing can help a child. Recently, I read a story about a parent who kept a bottle of room deodorizer handy. Whatever scent the child loves, cover the can with a blank label and write "Ghost Repellent" or "Monster Spray" and tell them to spray it whenever they are frightened. Viola!!

You can also use "Ghost Away Powder" (baby powder); tell them it makes ghosts sneeze and they won't come around. Sometimes, encouraging them to draw the ghost and then rip up (or throw away) the picture gives the child a feeling of power over their fear. It's often the simple things that help the most.

In summary, never force your child to confront a fear, but never ignore it either. Ignoring it will solidify a bad habit of avoiding dealing with something that frightens them. This could become a phobia or a real problem as they grow into adults. We all must learn to take on life's challenges as we grow in order to lead healthy, productive lives.

References:

www.ghostvillage.com

kidshealth.org

Attention Parents!!

This is a great book for small children, it's easy to understand and it's not expensive. I recommend this for your younger children. I hope it helps!!